Married and miserable...

My husband and I have been married for just under two years, fifteen months of which he was deployed in Iraq. Since he got back five months ago, everythings different. I expected things to changed...how could they not after so long apart? But he become a mean, condescending, and comtrolling man...nothing like the man I married. I can't remember the last time I didn't cry myself to sleep. And he's become slightly violent...nothing like beating the crap out of me until I'm unconscious. Example: We had an argument over something so stupid I don't remember what it was about. I got pissed off and threw a stuffed penguin (our daughter's) at him. So, to retaliate, he kicked me as I was getting up and threw the penguin at my head. I asked him to go to counseling with me...he straight out said "no." So now what? I don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life.